We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
