People in love make me want to vomit
this just has baby written all over it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
