i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
