I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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