I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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