id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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