I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We are all done wearing pants today
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
