last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize