dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
