Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
