i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
