In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
