I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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