Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
