grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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