i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
