Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
