He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
