I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
