you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
