Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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