I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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