my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize