my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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