Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
