The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
