The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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