I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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