Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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