It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
