no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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