haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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