i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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