i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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