i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
