I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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