I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
