Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
