i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
