I just saw a hot homeless man
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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