I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize