he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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