well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
