you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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