The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
