She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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