Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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