Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
