Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
