I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize