You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
