He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
