wrigley field is MILF paradise
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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