I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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