Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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