Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
