She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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