I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
