I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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