it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
