I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
