he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize