If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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