Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
