I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
