Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize